I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. I've been through many of these same things myself on my quest to becoming a mom.

I think you are wrong about the adoption route, though. It is worth trying before thinking you wouldn't be a good candidate? I have friends that have adopted, one is a recovering drug addict. The state just wants to make sure the children are going to a loving home, and understand that nobody is perfect. You should explore this option if it something you are interested in!